February 24, 1958 For several days the idea of suicide keeps coming back to me. I think of it often, it is true; but thinking of it is one thing, submitting to its domination is another. Terrible bout of black obsessions! By my own means, it is impossible to remain thus for long. I have …
Monthly Archives: February 1958
1958-02-20
I thought today, February 20, 1958, of the state of putrefaction of my dead friends and my father, and I dreamed of my own putrefaction. Work alone could save me, but work I cannot. My will was achieved upon my birth. Infinite, chimerical projects, out of proportion to my capacities.Something in me cripples me, has …
1958-02-19
February 19, 1958 Intolerable happiness! Thousands of planets expand in the limitlessness of consciousness! Terrifying happiness! Poor sorts of sensations — and sensations of a god — I have not known any other kinds. Minuscule and infinite, my dimensions, my modes of existence. If the sensation of the vanity of all things could by itself …